


Vous et nul autre

by Milchtee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom Dean, Christmas, Domestic, Domestic!Wincest, Fluff, Happy Ending tho, Hurt Dean Winchester, Incest, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Sam gets a dog, Smut, Top Sam, and dean is angry at sam for forgetting about him, artist!AU, cas is annoying dean, much denial, sam works in a hospital, snow like a lots of snow, wincest secret santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 22:44:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5433578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milchtee/pseuds/Milchtee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas is ahead and instead of visiting his brother’s art exhibit Sam decides to forget about it. With no further explanation Dean is mad at him and it doesn’t help at all that Sam spends most of his time in the hospital. Dean misses his brother and not in the common platonic way siblings should do. How fortunate Sam prepared a special gift for him this year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vous et nul autre

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Draquete](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draquete/gifts).



> I'M DONE!  
> And I'm so happy I can finally say those words.  
> It was a long journey as I wasn't sure with the direction I wanted to go with this fic.  
> It's for my lovely secret santa this year, the lovely draquete.  
> Therefore it is written for this year's Wincest Secret Santa challenge.  
> You can't believe how glad I was to get you. Your likings are the same as mine so it was easy to start writing after I had the first idea.  
> I hope you will like it as much as I had fun writing it.  
> And there's a lot of angst but the happy end as you said you need^^  
> Merry Christmas my dear!

**Vous et nul autre (you and no other)**

 

 

 

_The confession that I couldn’t make and_

_the story I stubbornly swallowed_

_Revealing a song I’m about to tell you_

_about now. Just listen I’ll sing for you_

 

_I love you a lot but my awkward pride in_

_those words “I love you” doesn’t allow me to tell you_

 

 

 

 

Children screams loudly in joy.  
The shimmering mist upon the lake, frozen and offering them to play on it.

The sweet smell of the upcoming holidays lies in the air, floating around such as in a lovely christmas tale.

 

A tall man entirely wrapped up in many heavy layers of clothing to keep himself warm stands quietly, watching the scene.  
The man quite unfitting to the flawless scenery and the cheerful crowd.

Far away from the warmth of his tiny apartment he’s bitterly freezing.

It’s cold and there is snow.

Plenty of snow actually.

And though his body is begging him to move he stands still, watching the crowd before his eyes, 

his fingers already have turned blue, buried deep inside the pockets of his coat.  


„Hey old man! Outta my way or else you’ll get showered too!“ 

A boy maybe 12 years old yells at him and Dean steps back, not really in the mood to get into a fight between two kids which throw snowballs around aimlessly.   
No care if they could hit a stranger but they’re still kids so he let them be.

Different thoughts cross his minds, memories of earlier winters, when he was just the same like these boys.  
Playing around in the snow with his brother.

 

Dean sighed, even though they lived in the same household he hardly ever get a glimpse of his younger brother who’s always busy with his job in the hospital.

After he’d graduated from college his way turned out like a miracle, it was no surprise for anyone and still they are so proud of Sam’s incredible success.

Lucky enough to get a good position offered at the local hospital was one of the best things that could happen to him.He earned enough money but refused to talk about it.  
Whatever his reason was behind it, Dean wouldn’tdig into the topic when Sam was acting like it was a freaking national top secret he was hiding from his brother.  
If Sam wanted to keep his mouth shut about money fine, Dean never cared about money anyway.

He’d rather have his brother here beside him watching some weird kids getting scolded by an old lady.  
A smug grin appears on his face.

 

When he’s walking back home he takes in the world around him, snow covers the streets, dim streetlights colors them in a warm orange tone and the trees besides him.  
Large trees with no leaves on them anymore, snow now covers them, and in the poor light source it looks like the topping of a cake.   
Shimmering in the light with a magical atmosphere surrounding it.   
Dean loves the winter days the most, not the cold though, but with no cold there’s logically no snow.  
And with that no real christmas he’s excitedly waiting for like every year.  
  
It’s the time he might get to see his family, his true family. After their dad left them for a woman he got pregnant they lost contact.   
Dean was restless at first, he was upset and angry, wanted to break everything around him and drag Dad back home, make him stay and scream until he’d understand why he has to stay with them.

Then he had been quiet, locking himself up in his room, painting and drinking, until Sam had forcefully pulled him out of his shell. 

The relationship between Sam and Dad had always been infected.

It was no surprise Sam wanted to break the contact off so badly and he did eventually.

 

Now the holidays mostly consists of Bobby and Ellen’s rants about Jo’s decision to work as a police officer, Ellen always says it’s too dangerous while Bobby supports Jo with his full heart.  
Dean has always loved to spend the Christmas days with them and when Rufus would join them they had at least one funny guy around except for Jo.   
Until Dean had met Charlie and Castiel at least.The first one of them a lovable nerd who happens to be his best friend andthey had shared the same art course two years ago.

Charlie was a lot like him, out going and cheerful. With barely a few words she was able to understand him so well.  
Ever since then their small Christmas gathering grew and there was no reason to not look forward to it.  
This year however everything was different.   
Sam was different.

 

Long gone in his clouded mind state he didn’t noticed the pair of blue eyes which pierced right through him until the owner of the pair raised his voice, a deep and hoarse one.

Dean raised his head utterly confused by it, he wasn’t paying attention and he didn’t see him coming.  
He was still on his way back home, walking through the park to get to the small apartment he used as his atelier.

„Cas?“ he looks at the slightly smaller man with a frown who was squinting back at him, his lips pursed.

„Took you long enough to notice my presence. I was yelling but you weren’t listening.“ 

Castiel,a man with bright blue eyes framed with dark lashes and a prominent nose and cheek bones looks at him, his messy hair is covered with a hat with a silly bee button on it.

„Sorry man had some thoughts going on in my head.“

„Apparently I was aware of it already. Your sketchbook is completely devastated. You should have put it into your bag and not carry it unprotected around.“ 

Cas is staring at the sketchbook in Dean’s arms, once again he feels stupid for not realizing he was still carrying it around after drawing a quick sketch at the lake. 

He released a heavy sound.

 

„Look I’m just tired.“

„Mhm…. and I’d like to get some coffee. You want some?“ 

Even though Castiel is changing the topic they’re talking about Dean’s sure later on he will ask questions about what’s bothering him.  


Castiel is a very good friend of Sam, after Dean introduced them to each other they hit it off in a friendly non romantic way.  
They shared a lot of interests and were perfectly good at annoying the hell out of Dean with it.  
A perfect match therefore.

If Dean has to describe the situation when he was stuck alone in a room with them, he'd call it a nerd alarm. High rate of being bored to death with nonsense nobody needs to know.

If it's about some books or shows they're currently watching or the stupid doctor language they use from time to time to make Dean roll his eyes annoyed at them.

When he had first met Castiel at the art course he had expected the man to be interested in art but he was only attending to enlarge his horizon, to ease his mind off the stress caused by his real job.

Later when Sam and Cas had already befriended each other they found out they’re working at the same hospital.

 

Dean was proud of his brother. Ever since he was a little boy Sam dreamt about being a doctor. 

Helping people, make sure to not let them die or lose hope in the battle.

Sam was good in his field and his patients liked him while Dean often was jealous of them.

Sure, he knew how selfish it was to be jealous of sick patients who would be rather somewhere else than the hospital, but still Sam showered them with all of his attention and cared for them.

If it wasn't for the fact Sam practically moved into the hospital he wouldn't even dare to complain.

 

"Why are you always walking around and Sam is in the hospital?,“ he frowns into Cas direction.

„Do you give him all your shifts or what?" 

Dean has raised one of his eyebrows. They quicken up their speed to get into the nearest coffee shop.

Thank god there's one at the end of the street, right at the corner across of it a book shop an old lady runs.

She's a friend of them, or perhaps just with the amount of money Dean and Ellen had already spent there to buy Sam books. The guy seriously suffered under a disease himself, a reading addiction.

With all the books he consumed so far in his life he was truly addicted to reading.  
Dean also read but not as frequently and obsessed as his brother.

 

„No I don’t. You do know we’re not even working at the same station. As he’s working as an surgeon I’ll work as a physician.“

„Cas….“ he turns his head to get a better look at the other man.

„I’m aware what profession you two have.   
That’s why I barely get to see my brother. Maybe you didn’t notice but we’re pretty close to christmas and next week ends the christmas market.“ 

Every word is filled with his frustration and anger about the current situation. He misses his baby brother but there is nothing he can do about it.  
As long as Sam rather works in the hospital instead of spending time with him he’s unable to change it.  
It was Sam’s decision not his.   
He wouldn’t go to him and beg him to stop working so much.

Who was he to dare to ask such questions?  
He was the older one and he was responsible, at least that’s what Dean liked to tell himself.  
Deep inside he knew how reality really worked, Sam’s already a grown man with no need of big brother’s protection, not a baby anymore.

Both of them were adults and it’s bad enough he has to let go of his brother.

 

„What are you even doing at work?“

„Work? I don’t understand what you’re implying right now.“

Cas looks at him, his lips a thin and straight line. His blue eyes showing nothing but plain confusion.  
It’s apparently one of these days his friend can’t tell what’s wrong with him.  
It was not wrong to feel this way and he wouldn’t even try to justify his actions now.   
If Cas didn’t want to understand he wouldn’t bother to change his mind at all.   
Wasn’t it a privilege of the modern society? 

To have free right over the way of thinking?  
People are fighting for their freedom of speech and whatsoever they’d scream at their demonstrations.

  
„What could I possibly imply to? Goddamnit Cas I just ask myself why you’re always free and my oh so lovely brother doesn't even remember my art exhibit I was looking for since the start of this year. It’s December by the way now!   
He has promised me to come! He promised!“ 

The last words weren’t as silent as the rest, his last words were a tired yell.

Castiel was looking at him with a pitiful expression, like he wanted to wrap his arms around him and tell him he’s sorry. That everything will work out but Dean didn’t want Castiel to be this person.  
It couldn't be him, if it wasn't Sam it wouldn't work.

„I know….“ Cas sits down on a seat next to the window, Dean follows.

„This doesn’t help me Cas….

Has he found a fucktoy or what? I mean he’s a doctor now they must try hard to get into his pants.“

Silence.

"Dean you can't compare this to Dr. Sexy…“

„I wish I could.“

Dean snaps at the other man, disgust visible in his green eyes. 

 

_______________________________________________

 

 

After he had finished his coffee he left the café without giving Cas a proper goodbye. 

All he had said was to see him soon and then he left with heavy shoulders.

It was pointless to try to contact Sam right now.  
How many times had he tried and all he got was Sam’s voicemail telling him to call another time and that he’s not capable to talk right now.  
When would that moment be when Sam was once again free enough to spend time with his dumb and boring brother? 

In the new circle his brother joined after he started to work as a doctor there was no room for him.   
What would Sam say when they’d ask what he’s doing?  
Oh you know my brother is an artist, he’s not that well known because he’s too moody to gain a place in the industry. 

Perhaps he was overreacting like Charlie had stated a while ago, she said Dean was thinking too much.   
Giving it too much thought that Sam hasn’t changed and they just needed some time to get used to the new situation.  
That was about two months ago.   
He was angry and he wanted it to stop, there were two ways to make it stop.  
Either he could dig deeper into his hole and never come out again or confront Sam about it.

  
There was an uneasy feeling in his chest and he knew it was probably not one of his best ideas to head straight towards the hospital right now.

Dean however had to know the truth to get a clear head again.

 

The scarf around his neck keeps him warm and he buries his nose deeper into it. It smells strongly like the cologne Charlie has given to him, it’s too manly for me,Charlie had said and and he accepted it. 

Aware that it wasn’t the entire truth.

It was no mistakenly bought object.   
Charlie just said it so she wouldn't have to deal with a stubborn Dean who would refuse to take the gift as one.

There was this unspoken rule of not buying the other presents. Sam often crossed this line and bought a small one, from time to time bigger ones but he’d never forget to buy his brother a present.  
Dean was the one telling him to stop, he didn’t want the whole stupid present for present chaos.   
People mostly gave gifts away to get some for themselves in return.   
Not because they really wants to give something to another person. It was their own greedy personality to get more. This wasn’t what christmas should be about in Dean’s point of view.   
Christmas should consist of family gatherings, delicious food,laughter and his brother by his side.

 

 

The strong smell of white musk wasn’t that manly like she had tried to make him believe, of course it was strong but also warm and mysterious.   
Too warm and petite for a common men cologne.

It was better when he was looking at the cologne with the thought of it being manly. 

He would freak out otherwise, if she was honest with him. Telling him the truth that she wants him to wear it because it was more fitting for him than herself. 

That it’s actually like his personality. 

Dean was bend and formed by John for so many years. He has stored away some of his personalty to keep up the facade they were living in.

John was disappointed enough of him for becoming an artist. There was no need to tell his father he was also fulfilling the cliches to be one.  
Crazy, fucked up and gay. 

Gay in the worst and inexcusable way one could be.

 

When did it even start? He can’t remember the exact day he has first tasted those sinful lips. 

In his memory they had a saltytaste and were a bit dry because of the cold wind outside. 

They were walking through the snowy city, with no real destination to reach, they were just walking.  
Fingers intertwined and no words spilling from them. It was silent yet so loud.

It hurts him to think about it, to allow himself to remember those days when it was easier.  
At least for their relationship.

When they first kissed it was shocking and they didn’t know what to make out of it, was it even acceptable they had both enjoyed it?  
Dean could recall how angry he has been at himself for being so weak.  
He did not only wished to kiss his brother but he also felt like he was doing the right thing.  
Well not it was over. 

What was even left of their strange and complicated relationship?

Nothing but a common and society norms accepted brotherly relationship. 

  
Sam was working his ass off at the hospital, no care about what Dean’s doing with his life or what happens in it.  
On the other hand Dean was tryinghard to make something out of himself, painting non stop, creating one piece after another and nothing ever really satisfies him.

His atelier was so full of undone paintings,filled with unsatisfied works of frustration and anger, empty bottles and broken art supplies like canvas.

 

Only a few of his paintings were finished, on some of them colors were smeared on top. Others were merely more than a plain stroke of his brush. Some of them were showing intimate scenes he wouldn't present in his gallery to the eager eyes of the visitors. 

All of his sketch books were laying around, pages ripped out in a rush hurry and on some of them he’d scribbled down messy words and likely drawn bodies.   
One body appeared over and over again in his sketches, a tall and lean one.  
One every artist in this world would find inspiring and fascinating but it held a different meaning to him.  
Drawing this body was no aesthetically reason, it was all Dean could do.

The tall figure was all present in the drawings, a strong and sharp jawline. Beautiful and meaningful eyes, dark hair of which a few strands fall messily into his face.  
He had time to mesmerize all of these little details, the little mole besides his nose, the small but pouty lips. The strong jaw and his broad shoulders covered in golden skin.

No pencil in the world could offer him the range of what he needs to creates his beauty on canvas.  
Water colors or oil paintings were everything Dean could actually blow enough life into than the cold and heartless drawings with pencils.

Even tonight he’d been drawing him, over and over filling the left pages of the sketch book with the body he was yearning for.

It wasn’t only about the physical aspect of want, it was more than that. It held so much more and Dean was painfully aware of it. It hurts him and he just couldn’t see a way out of the difficulty of his relationship with him.

 

Dean sped up his steps as he gets closer t to the hospital. His lungs already hurts because of the cold air they have to inhale, his cheeks colored in a bright red just like the tips of his ears and his nose.  
His freckles probably stood out more than ever, Dean hated it when they were too visible to others.  
Maybe he should give it a try and cover them up a bit then again t he has no interest in hiding in layers of cosmetic, he was a man after all.   
And they usually don’t use it.

In front of the hospital his decision to come here suddenly feels more stupid to him.   
More like a mistake than ever before. 

Even if he would meet Sam in there, the chance his brother would actually spend time with him was very small and he didn't want to keep him away from work.  
Dean’s feet were heavy, too heavy to move them any longer and he was now standing there like a complete fool.  
His hands buried deep inside the cozy pockets of his coat while his gaze was fixated on the large entrance of the public building.

People were going in and out and some of them spared him a pitiful look. They must assume he was here to visit a dear person which in fact wasn't wrong, but the person wasn't sick.

Sam could leave anytime he wanted to as long as he finished his shift before.

A soft noise escaped him as he closed his eyes.

His hard breathing relaxed slowly and he’s more aware of his unsteady heartbeat than ever before in his life.  
There was a tiny shaking coming off from him, it was better to just call it off and turn around, heading straight to his atelier.

Better than the foolish idea to visit Sam obviously.

 

„Are you lost young man?“

A voice behind him then says and he faces the person.   
An old lady, her white hair up in a neat bun and still he just could not offering her a smile out of politeness.  
She gave him a look Dean wasn't sure what to make out of.

„Maybe I guess…“ 

A deep noise creeps out ofhim before he starts talking.  
His voice sounds hoarse from the constant cold he was confronted with today, walking to place to place with no longer rest in a heated room.

„Being lost in a stupid idea.“

„Oh if you want to meet someone it’s never a bad idea unless he means harm.“ she saidwith an expression which is not too hard to read and understand.

„I wouldn't want to meet someone who’s trying to murder me.“ Dean laughed half heartedly until he noticed how one of the fine eyebrows of the woman rose. Then he lowered his head in shame.

 

„No you wouldn't but even those people deserve to be visited from time to time.   
It is about forgiveness. When we don’t talk we don’t know what’s really going on in someones mind.“

„Are you trying to talk me into my dumb idea M’am?“

„Not certainly, all I want is to tell you to not do something you’ll regret.  
Go inside I’m sure the one you want to visit is waiting for your approach.“ 

The expression changes a little, from the strong gaze Dean was very uncomfortable with to a warm smile.  
There was something about this woman which made him want to believe in her words. 

She didn't know about the terrible situation Sam and him were in, she probably thought he was here to visit a friend.

And still he could feel honesty from her. Something he didn't experience often with other peoples.  
Dean himself is a horrible liar who still rather lies than having to face the truth from time to time.

„Thank you. I’ll try to keep that in mind.“

The woman leaves him after a small goodbye.

 

The entrance hasn't changed at all and it would surprise Dean if it has.   
There was still the cold air inside the lobby and he felt uneasy.  
He stepped towards the info to greet the young woman across him on the other side.

She smiled at him with one of these smiles they have to offer every patient and visitor.   
Dean was sure it was hard to keep up a smile all day long if it wasn't real.

Faking till you make it. 

Happiness though just doesn't work this way, everything else in the world could possibly achieved with it but no happiness ever came from faking to be happy.

 

„Dean?“ 

It stroke him like a thunder, Dean’s eyes doubled in size as his body freezes on the spot. 

The familiar voice of his brother and soon an even more familiar touch followed.

Sam’s hand was resting on his shoulder, looked at him with a questioning eyes.

There were different questions flickering in them.

„Heya Sammy…“ Dean feels stupid.

Why did he even could listen to his instincts and the woman?   
He shouldn't be here and talk to Sam except for telling him to fuck off if he didn't even has the guts to give a proper excuse for not attending his exhibit.

„What are you doing here?“ Sam asks him.

„I just wanted to ask if you make it to Bobby’s tonight. Ellen wants to see you.“

Disappointment creeps across Sam face although he’s trying his best to cover it.

„Oh… uhm I’m not sure but I’ll try.“

„She would appreciate it.“ his voice comes out colder than he intended to.

And Sam took the hint as it was.

„Look I’m really sorry and next time I’ll be there.“

„I know.“

„Are you still angry at me?“ Sam said,ready to throw his famous puppy eyes at his older brother.   
Dean wanted to kick him for it, whenever Sam managed to make him upset he was giving him these looks.   
Unfortunately Dean was incapable of resisting them. 

Stupid puppy eyes someone should better forbid them.

„Yes.“

„Wow that was harsh.“

„What did you except? The truth or me lying to you?“

„Dean-„ he was cut off not only with Dean’s expression but also his raised hand.

„Don’t. It’s even colder when you leave later so as I know you you probably forgot to bring your own…  
See you then Sammy.“ Dean waves his goodbye as he puts his own scarf around his brothers neck with long shaking fingers.

He’s still angry at him, wants to yell at him but he also yearned for another touch, he longed for it more then he has ever expected it.

„Thank you…. we’ll figure it out!“ Sam then said and pulled him into a shy embrace before he let him go to leave the hospital.

 

 

The walk back home was cold and filled with thoughts. His mind was restless.

So many different things crossed his mind, some based on the words Sam has said and the words Dean wanted to say.  
All of them were still there to make fun of him inside his head.  
A terrible headache already started to set and he sighs deeply as he steps into the dark atelier.

He didn't go to dinner with Ellen and Bobby.  
For tonight he wouldn't be able to look into their face and have a full conversation.  
Perhaps they were already suspecting something but even if they did it wouldn't change the way Dean felt for his brother.

He might doesn't have a clue about Sam’s feelings but he was damn sure about his own.  
More than he ever wanted.

 

_______________________________________________  


 

 

Hot breath hit his neck, making him shake uncontrollable.   
Fingers running aimlessly over a bare back, strong muscles underneath.  
„Look at me…“ the soft voice whispers so lovely and he looks up to it.  
His own eyes are met by a pair covered in lust and want.  
It’s too much to handle so he rips his gaze off of him another time.  
„Don’t please look at me.“ the voice says again.  
Sam places his finger under Dean’s chin, forcing the other man to look up into his face.  
A smile spread across his face as he pulls him closer to close the gap between their lips.  
A tender kiss forms between them, shy at first but forceful as the younger parts the pair underneath his lips.

Exploring the new territory with great curiosity. 

A low moan escapes Dean as he grips Sam’s waist to feel his brother all over himself.   
The naked skin on his own, Sam’s pulse and his hot breath.   
He wants to taste everything with no second thought to it.  
There is so much sensation he drowns in it and here he is, clinging to the warm body as if it’s the last chance he’s got to.  
Perhaps it really is his last chance to be so close to him so doesn’t want to spoil the moment with breaking the comfortable silence between them.  
The only noise in the room is just the sound of their muffled moans and little words with no real weight to them.  
When they break off their kiss Dean stares straight into the face of his brother, returning it with a lovingly and admiring expression on his.

„You’re supposed to close your eyes Sammy…“ Dean says, his fingers still lingering in the full hair of his brother, running through it.

„And you’re supposed to relax and let me take care of you….“

Sam replies, still smiling when he places weightless kisses on his neck, trailing down his chest until he stops at his navel.

He raised his head again and Dean shifts under his gaze, gripping his waist to pull Sam up again to face him properly. 

This time it’s not Sam who starts the kiss but the older man, asking his brother to dance with him., who deepens the interactions of their tongues.

The air between them is heavy of unsaid confession and neither of them dares to voice them.  
They keep quiet as hands further explore familiar flesh and act to their want.

 

_______________________________________________

 

 

Waking up is hard especially after a day dream and Dean often finds himself trapped inside his head lately. 

Every dream is the same as the one before. Memories of past events running through his mind over and over.

He can’t control it nor put them to rest somewhere in the back of his head where he can’t reach them.

They come hunt him when he doesn't think of them, when he’s unarmed and not ready to fight them off.

At least they found him in the peace of his atelier, all by himself with nobody to judge him for his flushed cheeks and the sweaty hands.  
His pink tongue wets his lips, want runs through his veins.   
He misses his brother’s touch so much that it’s not only his presence but everything what he lost.   
Dean just wishes to see him again for a longer time than the brief meetings over the last weeks.  
The worst fact about it that Dean can’t tell if Sam is just working so much to avoid seeing him because he regrets the night so much or if it’s really the truth he has to work that much.

Either way Dean is self conscious and it’s never good if he falls back into the cycle of thoughts with no exit on both ends.   
His mind is his cage in which the exit is caged by many heavy locks and most of them only could be opened by the skillful hands of his brother.

His brother who’s off somewhere in the wind, playing the perfect doctor for his patients which probably already have fallen for his unique charm.  
Ever since they were children Sam had a easy way into people’s heart. Dean couldn’t blame them, there was something about his brother which made it so easy to sympathize with him.   
To enjoy his company even when he wouldn't shut up about certain things.

A nerd is a nerd after all isn’t he. 

 

Speaking of nerds he opens the text he has just received. Charlie’s asking him to accompany him for the christmas market and Dean was very close to agreeing to it.  
Considering the plain fact he’s the biggest lover of it but with Sam being a dick and unreasonable he isn’t quite in the mood to find comfort in long walks through the christmas market.   
Christmas songs playing all around and the delicious yet sickly sweet smell of food in the air.  
‚Sorry still busy with the shitload of work my client gave me….‘ he types back to her and eases his conscience with the thought of not being a completely liar to her. 

There is a lot of work waiting for him to complete but he’s so incapable of it, inspiration is gone to enjoy itself, playing with the snow flakes falling down to coat the city in an innocent look.

Just a second later another notification pops up on the screen of his phone, Charlie hasn't replied but Cas did.  
Asking him if he was free for some company. 

It was ridiculous how often Dean has asked himself over the past weeks about the free time Castiel must have. Unlike his brother, Sam was working non stop at the hospital of course!

‚Nah I’m fine. Just getting things done.‘

The reply comes fast. 

‚Are you sure?We could visit the christmas market I haven't been to it and I’m near….‘

Utterly surprised by the fastness he blinks.  
Castiel belongs to the slow answering type therefore Dean could assume Castiel glued his gaze on his phone waiting eagerly for Dean to answer.

There was just no way they could make him go out tonight or let them be around him.

For god’s sake he just want to be left alone with his work in the atelier. 

‚Cas as I said I’m good. Charlie tho could need some nerdy company.‘ 

With that the discussion is over for him. If Castiel is going to text him again he will just ignore them.

And as before with Charlie he hasn't told a single lie to his friend, he was good by himself and Charlie could need a nerd friend by her side.

 

Dean might be an artist but he’s no nerd, he enjoys some nerdy stuff but the main problematic about it was that he couldn’t bring himself to dedicate so much time to books and other stuff like his brother did.

He loves the inspiration some of the stuff his brother often talks about gave him but that was all. 

What helped him a lot to get further with his art was to watch other people and their daily lives, how they would act towards each other.  
How the human body looked and dancers. The grace of them was capturing for him and Dean never was fed up with those designs. He would do them over and over.  
Lately all he was drawing was the same male body over and over, the same muscles, firm and strong flesh.

It was always coming back to him and he was incapable of cleaning his head of this mess. 

Sam was everywhere and if he tried to shake him off with drawing something so far away from him he ended up hating it and throwing it out of the window. 

The chaos around him was the best sign of how bad his condition actually was. It was a fairly understatement to assume he was upset. Sam was so clueless it hurt him.  
When he visited him at the hospital he might have said his apologies once again but did he really meant them?  
He was not so sure about Sam’s earnest lately, he was too far away, out of his reach to count on his knowledge of his brother.

After all he didn’t thought Sam wouldn’t attend his exhibit therefore he was not on best terms with his trust.

 

Looking through his latest sketches he found one that particular sticked out to the others, it was once again the body of his brother.  
A tall figure standing outside a building. When he was drawing it he imagined Sam standing in front of the hospital. The scarf Dean had given him tied tightly around his neck as his gaze lingered on the busy traffic.

The sketch was detailed and surprisingly Sam’s face held a lot of emotions.   
Some of them were even hard to describe for Dean who’d drawn them.

He mentally debates whether to throw most of them away in order to get rid off them.   
After all there are enough signs to make others identity the person he’s drawing over and over.  
A deep breath follows his low chuckle, unhappy with he’s stuck in the tiny room.   
Around him nothing but the drawings of his brother.  
Nothing to keep his mind occupied and he feels the urge to just leave the room immediately. 

Probably for the best, for him and to keep the furniture intact.

 With his fingers running through his own dark blonde locks he tears his gaze away off the sketches.  
For today he has enough of it all.   
Now and then he needs to make a cut, here and not a step further into my space.  
That’s what he’s actually trying to tell his mind but in spite of listening to his own good advice he follows his ill centered heart.  
Whatever it is which chains him to this unhealthy affection he feels for his brother he’s just not strong enough to break it.   
To leave the circle in which he runs constantly in the same route, over and over with no end until he loses his breath and eventually collapses.

Except for his own stupidity he has no one to blame for, it’s his alone and he knows it.  
Being aware of his flaws just isn’t solving the problem, knowing is one thing, yet to know how to solve the problematic is a complete different task.  
He’s currently unable to do so and the longer he stands in the middle of the dim room he loses more of his mind.

With large and heavy steps he flees from it all. Dean quickly grabbed his jacket before he left through the wooden door with a thump which broke the silence in the hallway.

A woman which was carrying her groceries barked at him startled. 

Dean ignores her as he heads outside to go where his feet will carry him, wherever that place might be.  
Right now he has not the mind to give a damn about it. 

It’s the day before christmas eve the tiniest bit of hope he allowed himself was gone.  


Wherever he goes Sam is just everywhere.   
The conclusion hits him harder than he’d expected. Walking down the street was calm, the snow gently falling and people’s cheerful yet stressed faces.

It was absurd he was sulking like a kid who lost it’s favorite toy. In the end he did, didn’t he?  
Dean clearly lost his brother who happens to be his favorite person to make fun of, therefore his favorite toy.  
Though he wanted Sam for more than just making fun of him, despite all odds he never felt unworthy with Sam being at his side.

When others would assume he must feel tiny and unworthy because Sam’s status in society made him appear superior to his older brother was nonsense.  
Truthfully there were times he could feel a sting in his chest and Sam was just as fast to lovingly replace those thoughts off of Dean’s mind. He was thankful for it at that time, currently he wasn’t sure if it was for his best.

If Sam would have let it happen, Dean feeling too unworthy for his brother would have made things easier for him to deal with.

Now he was the one struggling with the change of their complicated situation.   
Two weeks already had passed since their last real meeting at the hospital and more than one minute lengthy talk with each other.   
No longer talks since then, not even then when they were resting at the same house, Sam came back home late and Dean already asleep or wide awake but knowing that Sam just wanted to sleep not talk.

Last week Sam completely stopped coming home, when Dean asked Ellen about it she just shrugged her shoulders and he had to suppress the urge to shake the truth out of her.

It was hard and he still could feel the want tingle in his fingers. 

Ellen obviously knew more than him about Sam’s lack of presence int the past week.  
No shared dinners or anything else. Just silence and Dean was too stubborn to call him.

If Sam wanted the cold and quiet way out of their problem fine, Dean wouldn’t force him into talking.

In the end he was the one who always preferred to just let things sort out by the hand of time.

Uncommonly it was different for this, more than ever he wanted to talk about it,apologize for being weak and not trying to stop Sam with more effort. Telling him how wrong it is what they were doing.

The problem for Dean was that he could not bring himself to feel regret over what happened.   
It was merely a tenderly kiss and a few touches, nothing more than that but it felt so right.  
Not in the least wrong and perhaps it was where he was doing wrong.  
Where his mind was too clouded and fucked up to realize how wrong he was for actually considering his actions as reasonable. They weren’t.  
Nothing he could ever come up with could excuse it.  
If people would catch a hint of it they would skin them alive, Dean tried hard to not draw out the possible reaction of Bobby. Ellen nevertheless would somehow try to understand, love them despite the better.

How big was the chance Bobby would join her? Understand how fucked up everything is?  
No as long Dean could hide it from others he wouldn't let a word of it spill over his lips. He would keep them shut until his feelings are gone.  
Or until he’s already so off his mind in a state of madness he just can’t bring himself to care.

Why is he even thinking about it?   
Sam doesn’t want him anymore, it was kiss. 

Not more or less, a kiss shared between brothers.  
Hot, tender, a mixture of emotions he never felt so strongly before in his entire life and Dean kissed quite a few people, never being a child of sadness.

 

Just when Dean raised his head again to take in the scenery around him he huffs tiredly.   
The place is completely crowded and in the close distance a few kids are screaming in bright joy.   
Lightning is everywhere, an enormous christmas tree in the middle of the market next to it a church. The place is designed by five lines with several tiny stands which offers different goods.   
Ginger bread, cookies, sugar coated nuts, others offering hot drinks and at the corner of the line he could made out tree decorations. 

People rushed through the market, laughing and chatting relaxed with each other, just enjoying the moment.  
It merely happened that it was snowing before christmas eve. This year the snow found them quite early and Dean also enjoyed it.  
He just wished he could join them, the people who were so content, he envied them.

 

The sound which was coming from him could speak a thousands words, replacing them and making it clear how he felt from the bottom of his heart, heartbroken and missing his dearest one.

A desperate one, filled with his frustration.  
His only acquaintance the small white clouds he's breathing out due to the cold.   
Like he usually does he buries his hands deeply inside his pockets, protecting them from the cold around him.  
It’s an odd feeling being surround people who enjoy what they do, who are happy with their life just as it is, more or less, he’s not blind everyone has their own struggle.   
Some have to carry more than others but in the end everyone needs to fight a daily combat to get through their lives and make the most of it.

 

When he’d walked out of the atelier he didn't imagine he would end up here. The place two of his friends asked him to come with them.

He refused them and still his feet had brought him here, to watch them. 

Many couples held hands while they walked across the place,smiling widely from one ear to another.

The feeling of jealousy for their happiness left him and he was grateful for it, it was obviously not one of the most pleasuring ones to constantly envy others for what they have.

 

After a short mental debate he decided to stay, he was already here there was no further reason necessary for him. 

He wanted come here and the person he wanted to bring isn't free to do so, although he could bring Charlie or Cas who offered themselves so devotedly to him, he was stubborn enough to just want one single person.  
The one he couldn't get, what a funny coincidence. 

This is a wonderful example of how the world and destiny works. 

 

He barely felt the cold when he strolled form stand to stand. 

A few items caught his eye, attention drawn to them he reaches out for a music box.   
Rarely pretty but also more sad than all of the others the stand offered to their costumers. 

It took him merely a minute to fall for it, to be captivated by the beauty of it.   
The music box is a plain clean white, golden letters written on it, saying some french words which meanings wasn't exactly certain.

It was topped with pink roses, in their middle a beautiful white swan, graceful with a long delicate neck. 

He couldn't recall a time he struggled so hard to not touch an object.   
The longer his gaze rested on the beauty it was harder to resist. 

Fuck it Dean whispered quietly to himself and just as he tried to lay a single finger on the music box someone or _something_ jumps him.

Instead of throwing the music box away he pulls back his fingers and tilts his head to see what jumped him.

A dog, what else could it be?

A freaking dog and one wouldn't need to bring an expert to see how greatly Dean despised dogs, particularly dogs who tried to jump him,

Dean’s gaze wanders off the dog to it’s owner, the one he could blame for almost breaking the music box.

 

„Oh my god excuse me! He’s young and-„

Dean’s eyes grew as large as the moon. It was not only the familiar sound of the voice but the face the voice was attached to.

„Sam?“

„Dean!“

Great two idiots yelling each others name and Dean still had no clue whom’s dog Sam walks here.

„What are you doing here?“ Sam actually dares to ask him and he feels his jaw tighten.

No way he would spare Sam the disgruntled look, he deserves it to be looked at like this.

„I’d like to ask you the same. What’s _that?_ “ he points down at the dog, not older than a few months, still a puppy with the same frustrating eyes like his brother.

„A dog?“ Sam slowly answers with uncertainty audible in his voice. 

„That much I have figured out myself, thank you very much!“, he snaps at him ,“ What are you doing with it?“

Whenever he refers to the puppy he tries to pronounce his words as objective as possible. The puppy is not cute.

No not in the slightest! It almost broke the music box and also why was Sam even here?

Sam’s face lights up a little, the corners of his mouth twitching up into a small smile.

 

„That little fella is Toffee. I adopted him this week and I just wanted to quickly buy something and then head back home. It’s too noisy here for him. He’s too young for such crowded places and we don’t want him to be scared of people.“

A long description of nonsense in his ears about Sam’s reason for coming to the christmas market along with his new puppy. When did he even pick up the dog?

He has said this week but why didn't he feel the need to inform his older brother about his new friend?

„You don’t have time for a dog.“ you don’t even manage to spend time with me, he adds in his head. 

Before he would voice these words he would rather cut his tongue out off his mouth.

Or rip it out with his bare hands.

His brother shifts uncomfortably from one feet to another with his gaze now fixated on the ground. 

Toffee next to him is sniffing at Dean’s shoes in great interest. The puppy sits down in front of him looking up with big round eyes.

The name Sam has given him suits him very well. His fur a warm brown tone and his golden eyes Toffee’s appearance is above the average standards for Labradors. The breed must be a mixed one cause of the longer fur of him.

 

„Dean I don’t think it’s the right moment now.“ Sam finally finds his voice again.  
It’s not the right answer though. Dean awaited something more, a reason behind the constant absence and the lack of contact between them.

„Is it because of the kiss?“ 

Despite his aching heart he sounds cold and absent, not giving away how much it hurts to say it.

If the kiss was bothering Sam so much Dean must forget about it as soon as possible.

„What? No it’s not about the kiss!“ 

The answer is as fast like a lightning as he takes Dean’s hands into his own larger ones.

Their eyes meet halfway and the younger of them starts to smile with a hint of uneasiness hidden behind it.

Not well but for now it’s enough for Dean to feel the warmth of Sam’s palm, his long fingers as they intertwine their fingers.

„What is it then?“ how much longer does he have to suffer Dean questions himself, his voice doesn’t want to listen to him. The sound of it so foreign and wrong unlike Sam’s gentle and soothing words. 

„I need you to do me a favor.“

„And that would be?“ 

Hidden in his mind Dean is wondering if Sam might notice the ache in his chest, the way his heart beats so strongly against his ribcage, wanting to break out. 

The answer to his question is uncertainly a thick no, Sam is not aware of how much it costs him to keep his gaze up, to not tilt his headso he doesn't have to look at Sam any longer than he needs to.

Sam lifts their hands above their chest in the same line with their faces or Dean’s face at least. The younger one is too tall for it.

The grip with which he holds his hands is strong and determined.   
With a simple touch like this he feels his knees weakening. 

Toffee is holding him in place with his back. Sitting between Sam and Dean keeps him protected to not get kicked by the people which pass them.

„Time…. Everything will make sense to you.

But for now just give me some of your patience and wait.“ 

It’s more than a small favor Sam asks him for nevertheless Dean nods in agreement.

„Yes….“

 

_______________________________________________  


 

  
After Dean had given in to Sam’s pleading eyes they decided to walk through the place together.   
Both of them therefore got what they’d wanted.   
Sam the patience and time he was begging for and Dean the walk. 

Still neither of them would point out how stupid and hurting their actions actually were for themselves.

One of them captured in a web of unsaid words and the other too busy to sulk and pretend to not being hurt.   
Ellen, no even Cas someone who barely loses his temper dared them to lock them up in a room until they solve their obvious problems. Coming from Ellen’s mouth he isn't too scared of it. She’s scarier than Bobby and most people he knows combined but Dean had the pleasure before to discovers Castiel’s temper.  
There was no way to describe the horrifying look on Castiel’s face or his low deathly voice, steady and ready to murder. 

As long there was a way to not get on Cas bad side again he would chose it. Fighting with Cas wasn't helping at all and the mug filled with eggnog was just the same.

Dean was so close to lose his mind, he was nervous and felt sick at the bare thought of what Sam would reveal later. If, and it’s still a big if, he shows up to clear the table.

Until then Dean would occupy himself with meaningless work around the house of Ellen and Bobby. 

Decorating the tree with Jo ranting about her new boyfriend, a dumb douche who doesn’t deserve her. 

He has said it a hundredth times to her but she wants to give him a proper chance before she dumps him.   
Jo’s a smart girl so he’s not even doubting her judgment, she might know best what’s good for her and not him.  
They barely spend time together lately, whether she works in the bar and studies for college afterwards or he’s not available due to his work in the atelier.

Talking about the atelier he should head there as his client said he would pick up the stuff today.

  
Dean turned around to take in what they accomplished. The decorations were cute and offered a cozy and beautiful atmosphere which just screamed christmas into ones face, willing or not.

He was also pleasantly surprised to see the strong influence of the new design in the living room.

Bobby walks in the room, two mugs filled almost until the top in his hands, his features soften when he notices Dean’s still present.

„Drink with me boy before you go.“ he asks him and he’s the last to refuse Bobby his company.  
One of the few people who believed his artistic career was worth a shot and that he could achieve something. More than living of bread and water alone.   
Bobby had been the one telling him to not give up and working harder, if he wants to be an artist he needs to pay a high price for it.  
The price was not money but to be willing to spend a lot of his free time in drawing and painting. On days when he felt off and wanted to completely stop it was Bobby who grabbed his shoulders and literally destroyed all the foul thoughts of his mind.

When his art supplies ranlow it was him who tried to buy and give him some secretly, Dean often refused, still happy that he cared so much about him.  
It was when Dean started to work in some little shops or the garage to get some money himself, now he wasn't depended on the other money sources.  
With his clients he made enough money and f he had to thank a certain person then it would undoubtedly be Bobby.

 

A little more than an hour someone else popped his head through the door, a tall man with a brown mane. 

„Hey sorry for being late.“ Sam apologies with a bright smile, flashing his straight and pearly teeth, still standing next to the doorframe. 

Toffee on the other hand runs straight into the room to Dean, eager to greet him with loving licks he rather declines.

„My Toffee let the poor guy live.“ Sam says jokingly as he steps forward to sit down next to his brother. Jo looks firstly at him before her gaze wanders back to Dean’s expressionless face.   
She already knows something is up but decides it’s for the best to keep quiet about it for tonight.   
It’s christmas eve after all and nobody wants to fight then.  
Even Jo who is known for her hot temper her mother gave her, she’s sensible enough to bear the heavy silence hanging upon them.

An odd vibe is coming off from Sam, perhaps it’s nervousness but Dean can’t tell. It’s hard to not notice when his hands are shaking and he almost spills the content of Dean’s mug when he reaches over the table to get himself a cookie.  
Toffee is still swaying her tail happily, pleading for a treat as well.

Jo chuckles, easy win for the puppy which now chews on one of the cookies. 

 

„You’re late. What took you so long?“ Bobby comes into the living room, Ellen right behind his back with a frown on her face as she looks at Dean’s pissed look.

If looks could kill she’d already killed him twice, once for his sour mood on christmas and the second time for being a dick and ruining the mood.He should get himself together and at least try to not ruin everyones christmas when his is miserable.  
All because of Sam who still owes him an explanation, one he dearly awaits.

„Actually I have no real excuse except for giving a present a last touch up.“ he offers them insight in his too busy schedule to make room for his family.   
It’s a bitter and unfair thought Dean knows it but he just can’t help himself not to.  
Sam deserves his anger.

„Oh what kind of present?“ Jo looks at him with big shining eyes, it’s not for her, all of them knows and it’s not even about getting it. Everyone in this room, okay maybe except for Bobby, is too curious about everything that happens.

Ellen also pierces her eyes through the tall man who lifts his hand in a weak attempt of brushing them off.

„Hey it’s no surprise anymore if I spill the details!“ 

„Maybe….“ 

 

Another hour goes by so fast, a calm conversation going on between them and Dean had been polite enough to collect himself to not make them feel uneasy.

The food was good after all, like it always is when he joins Ellen in the kitchen to create delicious meals for the hungry mouths in the living room.  
The christmas tree in the corner of the room is Toffee’s favorite place, he sniffs at it until he naps under it. 

A certain calmness has spread between them, one Dean is not feeling himself.   
His heart is still beating fast and his head is making up crazy scenarios of what it could be Sam wants to tell him later. It could be the last proper dinner they would share if it was about their first intimate intercourse.

If Sam wanted to end it Dean must consent to it. He wants the best for his baby brother after all.

How badly he wished to be able to lay down next to Toffee, curled up in a tiny ball and never get up again.  
But he was human, he had to function and to face hard times.

One was right ahead of him, the way Sam pulls his eyebrows together until he determines he should make his move now.

He’s the first to raise from the table, hands on his stomach filled and stuffed with delicious food. Dean was so stuffed he was afraid he would have to puke later. 

Not because of the food but the nervousness in his bones.

„I guess it’s now time to leave for us now.“

„Now? You haven’t even had dinner so sit down boy.“ Bobby speaks up but Sam declines with his head shaking.

„We’re coming back soon. I want to give my brother his present first. So if you’ll excuse us we’re back in an hour or so.“ Sam declares with no room for arguments from any side of the room.  
One of Dean’s eyebrows rose quickly as Sam claps in his hand to make Toffee follow him outside.

Dean does the same.

 

„Where are we going?“ Dean asks his mind running wild, then Sam suddenly stops and moves again.  
His lips had twitched slightly as if he wanted to say something but the words were stuck in his throat.

Utterly confused by him Dean quickened his pace to keep up with him.   
Toffeewas even faster than Sam, he must know where they’re going otherwise the dog wouldn't run in the first line.

None of them dared to break the silence even though Dean had a million questions for him and Sam for collecting himself to get ready for what would come next.

In front of a house with a small garden and white walls their journey was over. 

What were they doing here?

It was an unfamiliar place for Dean. Was it Sam’s new girl friends house? Or someone else?

Why would he bring him her in the first place? 

The house looked clean and like it was freshly painted over.  
Dean turned on his heels to question his brother with his eyes.

„And?“

„Wait you’ll see it soon enough.“ is all which comes from his brother who pulls out the scarf Dean lend him a while ago. 

„Just a minute. I want the surprise to really hit you.“ he explains to him with a shaking tone in his voice. 

Dean just let’s him do it, he closes his eyes as the soft fabric touches his face. It hurts a little when his eyelashes hit the fabric so he just keeps them closed.

Sam lays his hand on Dean’s shoulder to lead him into the house. He’s gently, always telling Dean in time before he could stumble over a stair or any other obstacle. 

Inside the house Sam’s warm touch is gone and he misses it already. 

His heart know pounding so hard he’s able to heart it clearly in his ears. He breaths hard.  
There is no hint of what this could mean and Dean doesn't want to get his hopes up.  
It could mean everything and nothing.

For now he could smell his own perfume mixed with Sam’s scent coming off from the scarf around his head.

In the back Toffee was playing with something, a toy for dogs which made some ugly noises.

With skilled fingers Sam unties the scarf which falls down to the ground, for a brief moment Dean eyes need to adjust to the new lightning in the room.  
It’s a small but lovely decorated room. A big christmas tree in the middle, the couch is large and welcoming, about a dozen of pillows on top of it. Waiting to be messed up.  
The windows were decorated with christmas lights in different colors, a golden star in the middle of it.   
Some figures of were also placed all over the place and under the christmas tree was one single gift. A small one and it was wrapped poorly.  
It literally screamed Sam.

 

„I…. I don’t understand.“ 

There is no way to understand the situation. He stutters and Sam is smiling at him, still a little bit self conscious but ready to strike. He reaches out for Dean’s hand.

Cold because of the shock and his nervous state.

„This Dean is my apology and official confession that I can’t live this life with just being your brother.

I had time to think about it, battling with myself but I do want to live with you, no matter what people will say, they don’t need to know about us.

I want this to become our home Dean, please I need you by my side.“ 

The words flow out of his mouth and Dean hears them but they’re so surreal.   
Is this real he asks himself as he tries to find a single hint written across Sam’s face.  
Nothing but a honest expression, he’s still holding his hands, leading him towards the christmas tree where he kneels down to grab the present.  
He gives it to Dean who awkwardly takes it.

„I don’t except you to agree to this. It’s crazy I know…  
I shouldn’t have bought the house, nor renovate it before I was sure you want this too…“

„Sam….“

„and Toffee god I wanted us to have a puppy even though I know you dislike them. I just thought it would suit or life, there is also a room upstairs for you to work in when you’re sick of your atelier, though I understand when you would rather work in your atelier and-„

„Sam please listen,“ Dean cuts him off more harsh as he didn’t listen to him the first time he tried to break Sam’s gibberish.

„I love it. It’s beautiful.  
Is this what kept a secret from me?“ 

Sam blinks heavily, perplexed by Dean’s word. He loves it, he really does.  
It immediately felt like home to him the first second he could let his gaze wander through the room.  
It’s beautiful and moreover it’s theirs.

„Yes…. if you like it then open your gift.“

„I didn’t get you one though.“

„You gave me one when you were willing to give me more time and if you say yes.“ Sam shrugs his broad shoulders looking expectantly at Dean to finally open the small gift in his hands.

Almost a single breath later Dean opens the present, inside a tiny box in which a key is sitting in a bed of red cushion.

„Will you move in with me?“ the bastard actually falls down on his knees, looking up with a smirk on his face, probably aware that there’s no way Dean could say no to him.

Dean smacks him over his head gently and puts the gift box aside, grabbing Sam by his collar to get him back to his size, kissing him desperately.  
As people like to say that a picture holds more meaning than a thousands of words the kiss indeed is the better option. He buries his answer inside of it.  
Sam must be a complete idiot if he’s too stupid to get it. 

Breathless they break apart and he nods.

„Yes I want to.“ he still says as he pushed Sam against the next wall to kiss him again.

Neither of them knows how long they’re kissing but they’re good. 

Curious hands running over the familiar bodies to take in everything they could touch.

Dean grinds his hips against his brother, moaning softly when Sam squeezes his ass with his large hands.

„I think my memory needs to be refreshed Sammy.“ he says as he licks over his slightly swollen lips.

The whole tension he carried around with him for so long finally falls down off his shoulders and he embraces the new sensation which builds up inside of him, boiling hot.

The friction between them is awfully painful, it leads to more frustration. His cock is aching for a touch. 

„Then let us take this somewhere else….“ 

Barely a few minutes later after Sam promised him those words they fell down on the king sized bed.

Even though Dean’s focus was on his brother he noticed the love for detail Sam gave the bedroom.

He also decorated it with some christmas themed stuff. 

 

Sam’s fingers were running all over his torso, they tried to reach everything but the touch was still not enough.  
Dean wished to feel his brother on every bit of his body. He wanted to taste him.  
His flesh against his, the burning feeling of skin on skin, the friction and need.

All of it was so overwhelming he had to swallow hard to resist the urge to cry out in lust.

Sam was pushing him forcefully into the mattress beneath them, looking at him with a loving gaze.  
The very moment is what Sam always wished for them.  
Lying together in their own bed, nobody who could dare to invade their personal space.  
Just him and his brother, no other person to disturb him.  
Dean’s hot breath against his neck made him shudder as he trailed forward to kiss the crook between his neck and shoulder. A thin layer of sweat already covered them and Sam closed his eyes for a brief moment to inhale the beautiful scent of his brother.

Dean was utterly beautiful with his stupidly long eye lashes which creates tiny shadows across his cheeks near his eyes, hiding the perfect green of them.

„I want you so bad…“ muffled sounds merely a breath coming from Dean’s hoarse throat, too distracted by Sam’s ear.   
The younger chuckles and places a tender kiss on the kissable lips.

„Eager….“ 

„Yeah that’s why you shouldn't make me wait Sammy.“ Dean said and arches his back to create more friction between their bodies.

His arms slung around Sam’s neck he’s grinding against his brother, eagerly for more of his touch.

If Sam won’t start touching him further Dean fears he might come undone, his cock already leaking.

Beneath him he’s melting into a sensitive and needy puddle of want. 

Begging to be touched so badly. 

 

The dim lightning plays with the glass of the frozen window. Outside the snow is still falling.  
Sam gives in to him, grants him the touch.   
He’s still slow with his every action, when his long fingers wander across Dean’s chest in curiosity it makes the situation almost impossible to bear for the older.  
Dean usually is a sustainable lover but with Sam touching him he’s about to lose himself in the daze.  
His mind is spinning and he wants to rip off the clothing of him.  
With eagerness he wrestles the clothes of Sam’s body to reveal broad shoulders.  
Dean licks his lips as he spreads his legs a little bit wider, just enough to allow Sam proper space between them the other knows well to use.  
Finally unclothed Sam lowers his head between Dean’s thighs, kissing and biting on the firm yet soft flesh, it’s so sensitive.  
For a moment he looks up to watch his brother biting on his own lip. Cursing under his breath.

„Fuck… stop playing. Just fuck-„

„Nah….“ Sam places his index finger on his lips, eyes commanding unusual to his character.

Dean decides that he really appreciates this side of him.

A smug grin appears on Dean’s features as an idea popped up in his mind, he licks over the top of Sam’s finger, sucking on it with his tongue 

A desperate moan escapes him and Sam knows how close he is, not only Dean is struggling with his erection Sam is as well. 

„Good boy….“ he smiles and takes the toy away from Dean who looks at him disturbed.  
He was playing so well with his finger, putting naughty naughty thoughts in Sam’s head.

With this skilled tongue Dean could work wonders.

 

„Just fuck me already.“ Dean whispers out of breath, his voice breaking.

„No….“

A sudden cold is running over him and he blinks utterly confused at his brother, unsure if he heard right.  
If he imagined everything, just when he tries to open his mouth the pressure of Sam’s body on his gone.

The warmth and weight, just everything and he feels oddly cold and alone, even though Sam is still with him.  
Dean wants to straighten but Sam turns his head slightly to the side.

„Relax.“, he offers him a smile, Dean however feels his body stiffen even more.

Not until his brother comes back to him, holding him with a strong grip he feels his heart beat again in his chest, he allows himself to breath.

„I want to make love to you…“

He’s taken back by those words, Sam’s eyes are full of admiration and he can’t break off his gaze. Instead he pulls Sam as close as possibly to crash his lips on his.

Kissing him desperately. 

Whatever it is what Dean can’t say out loud, the kiss is able to deliver the message to him.

He’s grateful for the messenger as he isn’t keeping it a secret how much he appreciates the fact that Sam is wanting him for who he is, that he doesn’t regret it what happened between them.  
That everything is his earnest wish and not a stupid idea he would regret sooner or later.

„Cheesy bastard….“  

It’s good, it’s all Sam needs to know how his brother feels and he shuts him with another kiss.  
Distracting himwith it while his fingers are already off somewhere else between Dean’s legs to be exact.

He prepares him with such patience and care Dean is about to rush him. 

As much as he cherishes the moment he wants to feel him inside of him. The strong pace, everything.

When Sam’s pulse is the same as his, when they’re breathing at the exact time, feeling the same.  
He wants it so bad he cries out so loud as Sam finally pushes in.  
Spreading his cheeks apart to fit in his tight hole.  
He prepared him so well but the fit is still tight, it feels incredible for both of them and Sam wasn’t lying.  
As he thrusts into him there is no need for words, just their sounds and the noise of the touch of their skin. 

Sam’s thrust might became harder and faster but Dean wanted it that way, to really feel him.  
He felt so loved and treasured it took his breath away. 

It didn’t last very long until he could feel his climax coming, he was clutching at Sam’s bare back, whimpering into his ear, knowing his brother was just as close as he was.

His climax hit him like a train, his vision turned white and he didn’t know where he was for a few seconds until Sam followed him with his name on his lips.

 

Dean smiled, panting but happy. He circled his fingers across Sam’s chest, blowing on it to create goosebumps on it. 

„Stupid.“ Sam shakes his head, grinning exhausted but happily at the beautiful man cuddled up to his side.

„If you had chest hair that wouldn’t happen.“ he shrugs his shoulders and places a kiss on it. 

Suddenly a new weight is pushing down the mattress and both of them look at the intruder.

Toffee decided to join them on the bed, at least he had the decency to leave them alone before. 

Now even Dean could allow him to sleep on the bed for once, Sam of course wouldn’t stop arguing that Toffee should join them more often.  
Dean already knew no matter how sheepishly Sam was looking at him.

„Just this time alright?“

„Yeah whatever. Merry Christmas Sammy.“, Dean leans forward to gently peck his cheek, unsatisfied with it Sam cups his face and pulls him into a kiss.

They still had to go back to Ellen and Bobby but for now it didn’t matter.

 

**THE END**

 


End file.
